Happy Hump Day!
I’m still getting used to how the new normal affects blogging life (i.e. my former schedule isn’t quite panning out), but better sometimes than never?
While following mom-related blogs and Pinterest can be a bit demoralizing if you’re second-guessing yourself or feeling a little overwhelmed, I really enjoyed reading this post about the phases of breastfeeding. While, for the most part, it’s been going well, I’m not going to lie when I say it’s hard sometimes. There are still times when I question myself and my ability to feed my kid, and there were times early on (with a growth spurt almost every week, toe curling pain, and a bout of mastitis) that I seriously considered giving up. We hit our first milestone of 3 months yesterday, and the next one is the six month mark in February 🙂
Speaking of mom blog reading, I highly recommend Pregnant Chicken because it’s hilarious, real, and non-judgmental. It helped me realize that everyone goes through certain stages of being a new mom, it really is okay to let certain things fall by the wayside sometimes, and that we’re all doing the best we can.
This past Friday I finished Stranger Things 2, and have been loving all the memes that go along with it.
The past week has been rough on our household, or at the very least, me. It’s that time of year where we have an influx of family traditions (at least 3 major birthdays to celebrate in addition to the usual Thanksgiving/Christmas/NYE gatherings), dealing with the shorter daylight hours (thanks for nothing, Daylight Savings Time- my baby didn’t get the memo)- blah, blah, blah, right? I’ve grown accustomed to having one totally veg out, lazy day a week (usually Sunday) but it didn’t happen for me last weekend, and looking at the calendar, won’t again until…January?
Yesterday, I went through the day feeling like a zombie. I woke up, went for my run, made breakfast, and did a dual workday/childcare day (with the usual mix of feeling like a failure at both for 8ish hours), two things happened. Thing 1: I got that weird jittery/sick-ish/heavy eyelid feeling that I used to get in college after too many late nights/early mornings, and decided to go to bed at 7:30 p.m. Thing 2: I truly realized how meaningful being a mom is to me.
Ever since I was a kid myself, I’ve loved kids and knew deep down I wanted to be a mom someday. Somewhere along the way, I buried that truth about myself. My freshman year of college during Parent’s Weekend, I realized how young my parents were compared to those of my friends- which was funny, because they were “older” compared to the parents of my friends back home. And as we all talked about our futures, the trend was “maybe when I’m in my 30s I’ll think about having kids…if I have them at all.” It felt weird to admit that in high school, my best friend and I had talked about getting married and having children as soon as we were able (and having twin dogs named “Snickerdoodle” and “Shenanigans,” which clearly didn’t pan out 😉 ).
I’m fairly prone to suggestion, so it’s not like I would’ve been shamed for my desire to be a mom above having a career in the medical or legal field. In fact, I’ve never really known what I wanted to be when I grew up- but I always knew I’d be someone’s mother someday. So during college and in the years after, I replied “Eh, maybe, someday…” when asked if I wanted to have kids, and tried to mean it. It was always “Oh I like other people’s kids because it’s not a full responsibility- I can still go home and get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep and wake up and do whatever I want…”
Don’t get me wrong, the freedom thing is something I miss. There’s a lot more compromising, even with a 3 month old (I want to do a 10 minute ab workout, she wants to scream/I want to get up and move around, she’s just fallen asleep in my arms and is totally comfortable, I want to go outside, she wants me to hold her (hello, baby carriers)). So, I can’t roll out of bed, go run however many miles I want wherever I want, or go anywhere on a whim- but I wouldn’t trade the way things are now for anything. With that freedom came a lot of uncertainty, about myself, life, etc. Sure, I’m still uncertain about a lot of things today, but for the first time things make sense.
So even when I felt tired AF and thought there was a chance I’d throw up/cry/fall asleep all at once yesterday…I had a feeling deep down in my gut (just past that pukey feeling) that this was EXACTLY what I wanted and where I’m supposed to be.
This holiday season especially, I know exactly what I’m thankful for <3